My thoughts on socks: Socks are a very precious item of clothing in everyday life.
Blood flow to the feet is often less than to many other areas of the body, and this causes one's feet to become chilly. By
wearing socks, the body heat can be trapped, thus reducing this travesty. If a sock rips, or if it doesn't function properly
(due to thinness or poor craftsmanship), the cold feeling in the lower extremeties still exists despite the effort to prevent
such physical discomfort. Another disheartening effect of sockdom is that they come in pairs: one sock dependent on the existence
of the other. If one sock is listed MIA, then the pair is useless. Mismatching socks are acceptable for home attire, but formal
events do not allow the mismatching to occur, thus rendering the socks informal home attire.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Jesus is the shit." - Mr. Berry
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*in math class*
Ladd *singing* - "Did you ever know that you're my heeeeero? You're everything I would like to be!
You're my hero, Adam."
Mellion - "Yeah, I know."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Next time, I'm mailing him a bomb." - Amanda
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I'm a very sympathetic person, boys. I may not look it...or act it...Actually, I could give a
shit less about you." - Feeny
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"That's what happens when you start smoking meth -- people repossess your cows." - Chuck Allen, Chief
of Granite Falls police force
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Children's Books That Didn't Make the Cut & Deductions:
1.) You Are Different, And That's Bad
2.) The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3.) Hammers, Scissors, and Screwdrivers: An I-Can-Do-It Book
4.) The Kid's Guide to Hitchhiking
5.) Curious George and the Electric Fence
6.) The Little Sissy Who Snitched
7.) I Have Two Daddies
8.) Whining, Kicking, And Crying to Get Your Way
9.) Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
10.) Places Where Mommy And Daddy Hide Neat Things
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Feeny - "WE have time for just one more question. There is always room for Jello."
Soucy - "...Wow."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Iraquis see the presence of an Israeli and the fact that the shuttle disintegrated over Texas as
signs of Allah's retribution. So, what have we learned? Iraquis are STUPID." - Kurt
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Fry - "There aren't any copies."
Professor - "Yes, there wouldn't be. Most tapes were damaged from that era in 2446 during the second
coming of Jesus."
- Futurama
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Mrs. Aubin - "What the...it smells spicey in here."
Vinacco - "It's because I'm hott, Mrs. Aubin!!!"
Carter - "Oh Jesus!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Boy - "I am a consumer whore!"
Man - "And how!"
- Rejected, by Don Hertzfeldt
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Rabbi - "Why are you putting on Chapstick, sissy?!"
Vinacco - "For the ladies, Rabbi."
Rabbi - "Ah yes! The ladies!"
Vinacco - "Yeah, figures you haven't the slightest idea why. You either don't have any, or do what
you do wrong."
Br. Kiernan - "Ha! He's got you there! I like this kid. I pardon you for drinking that soda in my
hallway, punk!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Collette - "Haha, I think they should put all the idiots on one network."
Vinacco - "Yeah, it's called AOL."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I hate having to talk over people, boys! Save your comments for other times! Or...pass notes. It's
more romantic." - Feeny
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I perceive Hell as the orange juice already being in the toothpaste." - Kenny
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "Yeah, I'll second that."
Kenny - "I'll minute that. It's like 60 seconds."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"If I had a million dollars, and I lost a nickel, I wouldn't be a millionaire." - Kenny
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I just sneezed three times, hurt my head, and almost crapped my pants." - Kurt
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Be shapeless, formless, like water. When you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. When you
put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water flows, and
it crashes. Be water, my friend." - Bruce Lee
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "I'm applying at Bess Eaton."
Gregg - "Ahhh...the born-again doughnut shop."
Me - "HA! Yeah, if I get the job, I'll hook
you up with some Jesus Crullers."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
(Me on my Bess Eaton job application)
12.) Describe any other abilities or experiences which you believe will
be helpful in your job.
Because of my various types of volunteer work and musical exposure, I have aquired social skills
including friendliness, openness, and patience. I am a hands-on type of person, as well as a fast learner.
(Okay...now was that not one of the most beautiful pieces of bullshit you have ever read? I'm
brilliant... :-P )
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I think it's time for a quote page update. And this one is a huge deuce." - Vinacco
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*out of nowhere*
D'Amico - "Hey Larson! It it true that you shot 30 cans of whipped cream up your ass? Cause you broke
my record of 24."
Mr. Venditto - *jaw drops* *stares*
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Dion! I'm gonna rip your throat out and...feed it to people!" - Feeny
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I don't have an attitude. I'm just that good." - Me
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Great news, everyone! They're bringing me up on disciplinary charges!...Wait...that's not good news
at all." - The Professor, Futurama
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Aaaaaah...now ZOIDBERG is the popular one!" - Dr. Zoidberg, Futurama
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"You know you're friends with an Irishman when he makes fun of you." - Mr. Berry
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Foss - "Yeah, Germans love the sausage."
Kurt - "Oh yeah!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"True, I am a man of many secrets. But humping a mental defective is not one
of them!" - John Travolta
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Mellion - "What? Rowley got into a car accident?!"
Kurt - "Yuh huh."
Mellion - "Did he die?!"
Kurt - "Nope, still alive."
Mellion *disappointed* - "...damn it."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I hate thee!" - Sarah
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "I think I have some salami..."
Rob - "NO! We can't waste fine, select cut deli meat on that assclown!"
(Save your minds...don't ask.)
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*about her brother's fiancee*
"I hate her, and the feeling's mutual. Grrrr...I wanna smother her in jelly beans and throw her into
a kindergarten classroom with the door locked." - Sarah
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"My imagination broke when I fell off my jungle gym, sadly, two days ago." - Sarah
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Waitress - "You're gonna be all creamed out. I always go overboard with the cream."
Foss - "Hahahaha! Oh my god..."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Jackie - "This is a sloppy egg-over-hard."
Me - "Haha...sloppy."
Foss - "Haha...over hard."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*watching "The Mexican"*
Kurt - "OH MY GOD! THEY'RE GONNA GO HAVE GAY SEX!"
Renee - "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"'Pretty Woman' was a sexy movie. They had sex on a piano...and that's pretty hot." - Caitlin
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Damn you, Kane!!! Your incompetance could have upset the delicate balance between communist USSR
and the United States and turn the already brewing Cold War into an all-out nuclear holocaust!!!" - Vinacco
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Sex is not a game! 'Okay, I'm bored with tennis...let's do something else!!!'" - Ms. Fox
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*about masturbation*
Liz - "But you're a guy. It's like a religion to you."
Me - "Mmm. The one handed stroke is the late teen's sign of the cross."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Amanda - "Where's the trash?"
*Kurt and I point at each other at the same time*
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Mrs. Danforth - "Okay, where did we leave off yesterday? Gerunds?"
Jackson - "No, we left
off on *screams* TROGDOR!!! *continues singing the entire song*"
*Danforth's jaw drops*
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "Look at the dryer lint all over this shirt."
Foss - "Yeah, that's cause you're a dirty Jew."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Homestar - "Hey Strongbad, I'm inside your house."
Strongbad - "Wow, that sucks."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Brain function not medicine much." - Vinacco
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Every day I come home hoping my mom died in the shower." - Dylan
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I hate guys. I wish I was a lesbian, or better yet, asexual." - Katy
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "This soup sucks."
Nick - "Whatcha eating?"
Me - "Chowder of some kind. It's like there's a party in my mouth. And everyone's throwing up."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Did Jesus have a sex drive? Yes. I'm sure there were some mornings he woke up and felt a tiger in
the tank." - Ms. Fox
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Kurt - "Everyone does stupid things...I mean, Ayla does you, Josh. Alternatively, she does very smart
things, like me."
Ayla/Me - "HAHA!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Berry - "The girl always has the power to say 'no.'"
Bocanfusco - "Cockblock."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Feeny - "Yeah, I stay awake at night trying to devise plans to screw you guys."
*laughter*
Feeny - "No, I mean in a manly sort of way."
*hysterical laughter*
Feeny - "Wow...that was a poor choice of words."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"So, until next time, who put the 'ween' in 'Halloween?' Probably you...ya freakin' weirdo" - Strong
Bad
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Feeny - "Anyone see 'Gettysburg'?"
*I raise my hand*
Feeny - "Anyone ever been to Gettysburg?"
*I raise my hand again*
Feeny - "Wow, Kane! You're a very cultured individual. And you're Irish. It just
keeps getting better and better."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Katy - "So who wrote that Pyro Bear story?"
Me - "Dylan."
Katy - "What's his last name?"
Me - "Bevilacqua."
Katy - "...Yeah...I wanna have sex with him."
Me - "HAHAHAHAHA!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Pat - "What the hell is 'pawm?'"
Demick - "'Pawm's just a sound...like 'eh' or 'pweeep!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*Anal probe comes out of Cartman's ass*
Cartman - "Hey, you know that feeling you get when you take a massive dump?"
*Anal probe goes back into Cartman's ass*
Kyle - "Dude, are you okay?"
Cartman - "You know that feeling you get when the massive dump flies back into your ass...Hell
no I'm not okay!!!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I want stormin' Norman. He'd kick some ass." - Vinacco
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"WHY ISN'T BAGHDAD IN FLAMES?!?!?! GRRRR!!!" - Vinacco
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Wow...seriously, if I was in that hotel that the journalists were in, and I saw bombs and missiles
striking Baghdad, (if I wasn't shitting my pants) I'd be masturbating." - Vinacco
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Garrepy - "Okay, French horns. Pickups to 52."
Me - "Don't you mean freedom horns?"
Garrepy - "Hahaha! Oh Jesus! Not you too!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Feeny *reading from vocab book* - " 'In the spring of that year, bands of marauding Goths broke into
the province, *blank* the governor in his own capital...' HAHAHA! Oh wow...so many things can go in that blank! '...and committed
such *blank* that the economy of the region did not recover for a generation.' Wow. Looks like he was REALLY screwed...hahaha!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*Me sitting in the school parking lot*
Sheldon - "You! In my office NOW!"
*20 minutes pass*
Sheldon - "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you stupid or something? Don't you remember this
little conversation we had in the gym about seniors NOT loitering in the parking lot during school hours, or is something
wrong with you? Are you deaf or something?"
Me - "Actually, I AM deaf in my right ear, as a matter of fact, and I don't appreciate
you making fun of my condition like you are now."
Sheldon - "Oh...I...apologize..." *walks away*
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"The only thing better than wild sex in a thunderstorm is eating candy in one...while watching TV
and downing a vile of speed." - Brad
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Emily *looking at my dad* - "Wow! Your hair has a shiny softness to it in this light.*
Abassi - "Yeah, it's soft because it's going THIN! *laughs*"
Dad - "That may be so, but thin is something you'll never be."
Abassi - "Holy shit. I was just tooled by a 60 year old man."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Meg - "I'm sleepy. Read me a bedtime story."
Me - "Do I have to?"
Meg - "Yes! I'm your most favorite cousin! You have to!"
Me - "Fine...Once upon a time, there was a little bunny who had no friends. One day, he made some
friends, and everybody was happy. The end."
Meg - "Wow...you suck."
Me - "Yeah, isn't it great?"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Mrs. Jackson - "Gigantic."
Little Girl - "Gigantic...truck!"
Bevilacqua - *look of utter astonishment*
Me - "HAHA!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "I just wanna know how the hell you can do that!"
Sarah - "By being a distracted pers...wait, what were we talking about?"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Ya know, I'd be a real bad mom. My kid would be like, "Mommy, why do you slam your head into stuff?"
I'd joke around and say, "Cause I'm tripping on acid." Then the little bitch would get a chemistry kit for Christmas and put
rat poison in my tea to get me trippin again. Then I'd die...and come back as a rabid squirrel and bite the little bastard."
- Sarah
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Renee - "Hey Josh!"
Me - "It's a Renee!!!"
Renee - "*gasp* Where?! That bitch owes me money!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Bender - "I was God once."
God's Computer - "Yes. You were doing well until everyone died." - Futurama
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*Mrs. Vinacco walks by Nick's room*
Cartoon Network - "Up next is 15 hours of monkeys!"
Mrs. Vinacco - "What the heck are you watching?"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Finding God...yeah...that might be important." - Fry, "Futurama"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"When you do things right, people won't be sure whether you've done anything at all." - God's Computer,
"Futurama"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"The Lord says he can get me out of this...but He's pretty sure you're fucked!" - Stephen, "Braveheart"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"It's like 'He-Haw' with lasers." - "Futurama" opening credits
______________________________________________________________________________________________
MiMi - "Professor, what's that goop pouring out of your machine?"
Professor - "It's nothing! No, it's nothing! And if you think it's something, you're a suspicious
moron!" - "Futurama"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Mrs. Aubin - "Mr. Kane, do you have the answer to number 13?"
Me - "No, I don't have a solution...but I admire the problem!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Now, now...DiRobbio, if you can't say anything nice, go sit with Kane." - Feeny
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Ms. Fox - "If at first you don't succeed, then tr-"
Me - "Failure just might be your style!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "Padiddle!"
Fen - "What?! Where?! That one? That's a dirty Jewish Mexican car. It shouldn't count."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Adetona, don't talk about yourself too much. We'll do that when you leave." - Feeny
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked.
And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth." - Jeaneane Garofalo
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"No! It's the friends you can call at 3 a.m. that matter!...or wake up by taking their picture."
- Shannon
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Cause we find ourselves in the same ol' mess, singing drunken lullabies..." - Dave, Flogging Molly
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Tim - "Yeah, one of us has to get up for you to sit down and play. Ya know...with this whole fire
code thing."
Campbell - "What the fuck is this? Tag-team sessiun?"
Tim - "Haha! Yeah... W.W.Ceili."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Dante - "God! I hate this fucking class!"
Me *in girly, high pitched voice* - "Oh! Oh! My name's Dante Votolato! I'm a little girl! I have
a vagina!!!"
Dante - "Hahahaha! I hate you and love you at the same time."
Reilly *stuttering* - "Is-is-is th-that legal?"
Dante - "Puh-puh-puh probably not! *smacks him in the face*"
Me - "Don't mind Dante. He's got sand in his (*in high pitched voice*) VAGINA!"
Dante - "HAHAHA! You all suck!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "Wait...wait...I'm Sgt. Savage? When the hell did this come about?"
Corpus - "Yeah! You're Sgt. Savage, I'm Habeas Corpus, Ryan Jeffrey's Spok, and Brian Robert's Scuba
Steve!"
Brian - "I'll kill you all!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Whether you're black, white, or martian green, when it comes down to it, the truth holds true...A
bunch of kids pouring gasoline into a tube and lighting it on fire is never a good idea." - Oliver Bean
